Not Oops
by Angelo Della Magnolia
Summary: It is the fire in her eyes, Sirius thinks absently as a particularly long strand of spaghetti has him leaning in, closer, and closer, and closer . . . And then his lips meet those of Marlene Mckinnon. (Lady and the Tramp!AU) Written for Round 9 of Season 4 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition as Chaser 3.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own any aspects of Harry Potter in any way, shape, or form. Do you think Sirius Black would have died if I did?!**_

 _ **Written for Round 9 of The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition as Chaser 3 of the Chudley Cannons.**_

 _ **CHASER 3: We've given each position a classic Disney animated film to incorporate into your story somehow. (Lady and the Tramp)**_

 _ **Prompts:**_

3.) (word) effervescent

4.) (object) tea leaves

15.) (quote) 'The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It's what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.' - Mewtwo

 _ **Okay. Major, major AU because I want to be happy (that also means major crack) and I want Sirius and Marlene to be happy (which means a slightly less abusive Orion and Walburga).**_

 _ **A huge thanks to Lily, Jas, and Amy for making this readable. I love you all.**_

 _ **The rest of the Challenges and Competitions are written at the bottom.**_

 _ **Word Count: 1406**_

* * *

Everyone living on Grimmauld Place knows Sirius Black is a very happy-go-lucky guy despite his parents (12 Grimmauld Place was not sound-proof, and even if it were, Walburga Black has a mighty loud voice) — however, everyone living on Grimmauld Place also knows another thing about Sirius Black; no one, absolutely no one, disturbs his beauty sleep (his words, not ours) unless they have a death wish. (Sirius would like to state that this also goes for James Potter, the bloody git)

Our story starts on a Monday (not that it being a Monday is important to the story), a particularly drowsy Monday. Sirius, who has just stumbled into the house during the early hours of dawn, and flopped onto the couch, is just blinking his eyes open with a hoarse groan and a mumbled swear word that we have decided not to repeat.

Little does Sirius know, his life is about to change in about . . . 3, 2, 1. Now.

"Sirius Orion Black!" Walburga Black screeches as she storms through the door, a hand resting on her bulging stomach. "Get me a cup of tea!" she demands, followed by a very meek Orion Black who gives Sirius a look of frantic fear. "Do what she says," he mouths.

Sirius promptly rolls over and swears again. Walburga makes her way to the couch and looms over Sirius, her eyes narrowing more and more by the second. She opens her mouth, takes a deep breath, and then thinks better of it. Walburga reaches out, grabs Sirius by his shirt (which smells suspiciously of alcohol) and throws him off the couch. Sirius lands face first on the floor.

This is the moment where Sirius decides it'll be a much smarter decision to just get up. Well, actually, Sirius is thinking about how tea would help his increasingly painful migraine, but like the Monday thing, it isn't important.

* * *

Sirius wrinkles his nose as he picks up a shriveled leaf between his fingers. He gives the leaf a sniff and pretends to gag. "Bloody weird tea leaves. How does a family of three run out of tea that quickly?"

After coming up with the conclusion that his mother must be a tea-freak (Sirius ignores the fact that he can go through twenty cups of tea a day and still feels thirsty), Sirius finishes making the tea and puts the kettle and a couple of tea cups on a tray. He brings the tray to the living room, where his mother and father are sat. (His father's arse is ruining the perfect groove his spine left on the couch, Sirius thinks silently to himself.)

Walburga Black reaches for the kettle and pours herself a steaming cup, drinking it in one gulp. "I'm pregnant," she says, then pours herself another cup. Orion Black chokes.

"Walburga, maybe we should take this slowly -"

Sirius blinks. "Okay."

Walburga turns to glare at her husband. "The boy is taking it just fine. Now go get me some biscuits."

Orion copies his son and blinks. "Yes, dear. Sirius, go out and play with your friends."

Sirius has a habit of rebelling against his parents, but he thinks that in this situation (which he hopes will never, ever, happen again) it's probably best to listen to his father.

* * *

"So there's going to be a little Sirius running around everywhere?" James says as he leans against the fence. James grins and nudges Remus (who is sat beside James, absorbed reading something - it's not important to the story) with his foot.

Remus opens his mouth to reply but instead starts coughing. He recovers from his fit a few moments later (but not before Sirius and James shared worried glances) and says softly, "Having a little sibling around sounds like it will be fun."

"Having a sibling to boss around does sound like fun," James says, ignoring Remus' quiet protest of 'that's not what I said'. "But!" He exclaims suddenly, jabbing his glasses to stop them from sliding off his nose.

Sirius (who feels we must inform you that he has been looking gorgeous standing there the whole time) turns around and stares at his arse. "Yes? What about my butt?"

James sighs. "You can't be se - nevermind. _As I was going to say_ , having a sibling will be awesome, but having a baby in the house won't."

Remus looks up from his book curiously. "Why not?"

"Because. Mr. Black and Mrs. Black are slightly off the chart, just imagine how their kid would be!"

"Hey!" Sirius says indignantly.

Remus and James both ignore Sirius. "The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It's what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are," Remus finally says and goes back to his book.

"Okay. Bookish nonsense from Remus. Back to the topic: If there's a baby, then Sirius won't get as much love and attention from his parents."

(This is the moment where Sirius collapses into a fit of laughter and requires a worryingly large amount of time to quiet down.)

" _And_ , because the baby will cry and poop everywhere."

(Sirius stops laughing.)

"Everywhere?"

" _Everywhere_."

* * *

Sirius soon realizes that the baby doesn't mean just pooping and crying everywhere like James said. In fact, the baby means much worse.

Ever since that _thing_ had been born, the whole extended Black family had flocked in and crowded 12 Grimmauld Place, almost to the point where Sirius started suffocating. (The worst of them all was definitely Uncle Cygnus and his three daughters. Cygnus was like a male version of his mother, which makes sense. His daughters were cunning and vicious, like wildcats.)

Which is obviously the reason why Sirius is wandering the streets of London like a lost puppy. (Sirius is complaining that he doesn't look like a lost puppy. We shall ignore him and continue on with the story.) In fact, Sirius wasn't quite lying. He does look like a puppy, but not really a lost one since Sirius is actually looking for someone. A certain _female_ someone. (Said certain female is someone Sirius met on the streets a few years back, (no not in that way) she goes by the name Marlene Mckinnon. Of course, we are telling you this because Sirius is taking too long and we just want to go on with the story.)

Sirius does find Marlene after an hour of wandering. Of course, Sirius being Sirius, Sirius finds Marlene by walking right into her.

"What the hell- oh. It's just you."

Sirius grins. "You remember me!"

Marlene rolls her eyes. "You set me on fire the last time we met."

"Technically, the candle that I knocked over set you on fire, not me."

" _Technically_ , it was you that knocked over the candle. Which means that _technically_ , you set me on fire."

"Well, I was just making sure my date looked extra hot."

"That was not a date."

"Okay, fine. I'll make it up to you. Let's redo that date."

"Like I said, that was not a date - wait, what?"

"What?"

"What?"

* * *

"So far, this is going much better than last time," Marlene says as she twirls some spaghetti onto her fork. "Although I really wished you hadn't ordered the gigantic special."

"It's tastier!" Sirius says before he takes a sip of his drink. "I remember what my dad said the last time we came here and he had one of these drinks."

Marlene pauses in stuffing her face and looks at Sirius expectantly.

Sirius clears his throat dramatically and declares in a voice much deeper than his usual one, "My, such an effervescent drink."

A second passes. Marlene snorts with laughter, almost choking on her food. They share a glance (which for some reason turns into a staring contest) as they eat their food.

(And this moment is when Sirius finally realizes Marlene looks quite attractive in the candlelight, despite the dirt smudges on her nose and the tangled hair covering most of her eyes.)

It is the fire in her eyes, Sirius thinks absently as a particularly long strand of spaghetti has him leaning in, closer, and closer, and closer . . .

And then his lips meet those of Marlene Mckinnon.

Sirius pulls away as soon as he realizes. "So . . . oops?" He laughs nervously, picking his fork up and attempting to stuff his face so that he didn't have to say anything else.

Marlene grabs Sirius' hand and leans in closer to him. "No," she whispers. "Not oops."

* * *

 _ **I am so sorry. Please do not leave a review. I want to drown in liquor and forget this ever happened. Thank you. (To my judge: the biggest apologies.)**_

* * *

 _ **Hogwarts Houses: The Quidditch Pitch: Pairing:**_ Blackinnon.

 _ **Hogwarts Houses: the Drabble Club: Dialogue:** "So . . . Oops?"_

 _ **Pokemon Go: Starter:**_ Charmander (Fire)

 _ **Greek Mythology Category Competition:**_ _Gelos: Write a fic with humor for a genre._

 ** _Famous Witches and Wizard Challenge._**


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